waddup.

For all the pretty pictures i REALLY want to put up but can't at the moment, i give you this one.

to heck with it.

I should be working on this philosophy paper you see, during this hour break, but within these past few hours of this manic Monday, I've just been wanting to grow as large as the Earth, so I could give it a hug it's never seen.

I have the most bizarre thing to tell you my sweet honey bun of a blog, and the silliest thing is that this bizarre-esque happening is indeed happeningS, yes plural. You know how you can anticipate a [not dramatized-->] HELLish day in the near future, or even an extension of beyond 24 hours, well i've had me some of these anticipations. A multitude of times this semester and you know you have too. This has no link to an emotion, like feeling in a slump or just 'not in the mood for things', but rather in a more reality sense; a to-do list that is over bearing, a day where it seems humanly impossible to get through with the balance of things you need to get done and inevitable time that seems to go on with or without you. [you.don't.say.] Well the day before these happenings, I do the best I can to write down an itinerary to straighten out a little piece of my brain, so I can rest in some level of peace. But when these grueling days come forth and I become integrated with my to-do list, I couldn't be happier. Because every instance I've had with these so-called HELLish days are in fact the days that I feel most alive. Things are put into perspective one way or another, and things. . . . . things, don't seem so bad. Oh how productivity can have its way with me. I cannot even think of a day I've anticipated and just simply KNEW that was gonna be bad, actually be bad. [and trust me, I do my best to avoid the whole pessimistic view on things unless I honestly know something will not be good. ] They've been some of the greatest days to be honest.

I think I've released what needed to be said, and feel like I should be doing more on the lines of my uhhhhhhhhhhhhh ESSAY.

thank you for listening. thank you for reading. thank you for being. OVER & OUT.

wait what?

Sitting around doing nothing..

THAT'S funny.

Being bored. . . . .

that's hysterical.

A still mind.

that's preposterous.

unconventional flower power.

There's something about today. An essence of beauty that is silent. Maybe it's because when I woke up I read the first 20 pages of A NEW EARTH, for the trillionth time. I can't help it, it gives me a certain passion afterwards. An unstoppable passion. It made me realize my certainty of a personal life goal: to make an impact. That's all I want. To have a rightful influence on the surrounding people that I love.

So today's topic is transformation, which is the concept of my new project in my Fibers studio class. I chose to pick an inner transformation--a normal state of mind transitioning into a shift in consciousness. The idea of awareness wholly derives from this book I'm consumed in, which I think is great because, if for some reason I lack in motivation, I can go to the book for a little pick me up. The materials I'm using are everyday things-found objects. So far I've got, aluminum foil, cereal boxes, and uhaul boxes. A soon to be addition is tape. BTW, I'm making flowers from all of this. I've also noticed the transformation aspect being shown through the alteration of material to be used in an innovative way. It's a key to my concept. Flowers representing that blooming of awareness, a new level of being. We must learn from the floral species. I envision a wall to be covered, an installation. I have less than four weeks, can I even come close to accomplishing this? I figure if I keep this end result as a vision, it's at least in reach. If time permits.

Have I mentioned the next couple weeks will be jam packed? I plan to not even take a breath until November 5th-which is critique day. But if this feeling that I have inside of me continues, I won't care. This feeling I have is riveting-a thirst, a hunger, an addiction just to live to my full potential.

Thank you blog for being a place to release, most of the time I solely come on here so I can figure out my thoughts and sort the mess that they're in, as if this is a file for my reflections. And thank YOU for reading. I think I shall post art projects on here more often. If you have any suggestions, materials I should use, want to challenge me in using a material, holla.

food for thought.

Okay blog, I think we've gone to the level where I can tell you now.

I'm going to Italy next semester.

Before you get overly excited there's a point I wanted to get across so I felt the need to tell you this in order to proceed to the next step. [We will jump for joy about Florence some other time, yes? Yes. It's a date.]

This thought came to me within an hour ago. I was thinking if I wore a sticker on my head that said 'I'm leaving for a whole semester abroad in Europe in only a couple months, take advantage of my amity' whether this statement will speed up current friendships. -Don't judge, it's solely an idea that will never be put into play. It's a ridiculous and overdramatic way to say how I'm feeling.- The surface-y conversation here and there is becoming monotonous. I want that feeling of knowing how that person is and them knowing my mannerisms as well. So THEN we can go out to the world and paint it any color we want. I have been thriving to find someone here that shares my need for spontaneity, to simply share a delivered pizza with at 11 o' clock at night, or to go on silly adventures in spite of the moment without hesitation. In other words, I suppose I'm just saying that I miss my BEST friends dearly. My brain is rather unfamiliar with the word 'homesickness', but the more I linger around the word the worst it gets. In other OTHER words, I must be praising how well my summer went. Because indeed it was the summer to end all summers. But enough of this sobby riff raff. God of Tucson, tell the brilliant ones to step forth because I do not have the patience.

On, a side note: I DO love the people I'm meeting though, there's some tremendous potential out there. And as for the art kids, I can't get enough of them. By the way, I'm tired of not using my camera on almost a day to day basis like I did in the summer, my sister is wearing down Niko more than I am.

revisited.

Today, the feelings I had for you long ago came back and embodied me for a full four minutes.

That was four minutes too long.

But I did enjoy it.

On another well-randomed note, my philosophy class has finally warmed up to me thanks to a friend. I would gladly share this lovely passage that I cannot seem to get over:

'But perhaps I am something greater than I myself understand, and all the perfections which I attribute to God are somehow in me potentially, though not yet emerging or actualized. For I am now experiencing a gradual increase in my knowledge, and I see nothing to prevent its increasing more and more to infinity.'

I love this all too much. RIP Descartes' Meditations, we move on from you starting tomorrow.

shoutout.

It's amazing how one person can change you. The way you act, the way you perceive things, the way you feel. Just from one force of nature.

And I'm not just talking about your lovey dove, but all of the people who has touched your soul from the very start. Nuts to think how we've come to where we are at this current moment don'tcha think? What would've happen if you reacted in a different way or didn't say anything [that's the worst]? If someone hadn't done something in a particular situation, where would you be right now? I couldn't be any more appreciative about who's fallen in and even out of my life. Here are examples of only a few darlings and devils, you'll know who you are.

The act of your parents living so close to mine for ten years and coincidentally sharing the same love for the creative world.

Checking up on me once in awhile.

Tye dying a shirt for the Spiderman premiere only led to a continuous passion for shirt making and an awareness of causes not only for us but our peers. No big.

The subtle kindness which is overwhelming, in a good way.

Your 'good morning' texts.

Making a simple plan to get together for the Fourth of July while we sat on a trampoline was only the beginning of plans laid out for us.

Being an example, my personal role model.

Your perseverance to steering me into a religion, I'm aware of all now.

A minor 'we should do lunch' once our high school career ended resulted in a lasting friendship that probably wouldn't have even been considered beforehand.

Those rare painful comments that hurt the most because for some reason, it keeps me going and striving.

Your spontaneity combined with my curiosity.

Being your true self and me accepting it. Vice versa.

Your belief of my truth being a lie. You've affected me greatly. Thank you most of all, I was going down the wrong path anyways.

So take time today, well no not only today. Take time often to be appreciative of how far you've come and what/who has brought you here.

Last comment: I know, I'm gross doing so much writing and not enough eye candy. Soon Soon Soon.